twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
