I hate your face
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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