so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
