i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
