He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
