I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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