He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
