After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
