she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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