She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We just shotgunned beers for America
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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