It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
