I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
