Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
