I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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