Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
