having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
