I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
