I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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