I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
