Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
