Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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