Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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