Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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