can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
