Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
