She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
