Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
