Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
