the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
