I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
