Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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