Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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