My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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