D3 body, D1 cock
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
