When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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