i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
