I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
