Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
