it wasn't lemon gatorade
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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