Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
