my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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