she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
