i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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