I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize