seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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