Soap is not a condiment
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
