I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
