R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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