oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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