She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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