bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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