I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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