Will you blow on my dice?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
