A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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