Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
