i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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