It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
