I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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