You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
