I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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