i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
