You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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