I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
