No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
