the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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