mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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