New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
